So I’m nearly into my third year of being a Mum and its been the best three years of my life. I have met the two most beautiful little boys that bring me the best love you could ever receive out of life. But I do have to admit… its bloody hard work. Yes, I post images of our home and the boys dressed in lovely clothes and we are a very happy little family but our lives do not portray perfection.
Most days im in my comfy clothes with my hair on my head ( probably haven’t washed it in a week because I have no time), the boys are probably wearing the same vest as what they’ve worn for the past three days and I am absolutely shattered! There are so many people talking about the way people are editing their lives into something they’re not and although I do tweak my images to make them look the best they can my life is not an image I can tweak. I get asked so much how I keep my house so clean and how I have so much white in my house and that I must be mad with two children. The honest truth is my house looks like a bombs hit it most of the time. If I take an image I’ve probably kicked everything out the way so you can’t see the big pile of washing on the chest of drawers or the nappy I have probably missed on the floor after changing the boys in the middle of the night when they’d projectile vomited over every clean piece of bedding or towel in site. Im also very hard on myself and don’t let myself sit down and do nothing. I don’t feel there are enough hours in the day to do everything in my head so how the hell can I sit down and have me time?
Im always cleaning, always changing the house around, always blogging always doing something but im never doing anything for me. We also own a Mens Hair salon in Manchester so running that is a stress in itself. Opening a salon then having two children and moving three times takes up quite a lot of energy. I think its safe to say I wont be having any more babies anytime soon!
It really upsets me when people say that Mums have an easy life and that’s all they do is go to baby groups and go to coffee shops. Well I never go to baby groups and I never go for coffee with my friends because im always doing something else, something not for me.
I recently went through a very low patch were I didn’t want to ever leave the house and do anything, I had no motivation and I would do everything for the house, the shop and the boys but when it came to making myself any food or a cup of tea I just couldn’t be assed to put it bluntly. I contemplated going to the doctors to see if they would give me anything as I was constantly feeling anxious and stressed out. Always worrying id forgotten to do something. It got so bad that I didn’t ever ring or text my friends because I felt so alone and the only thing I felt I could do was reach out on Instagram as I felt like I could be somebody a bit different than the mum thats sat wanting to cry all day because my children were crying at me all day! I also create such a big list in my head that I feel like its to big to do and can never get anything done. In January I wrote a post about getting organised and it did help me be more positive and got me over how I was feeling. I now try and do my housework when the boys are in bed and do the washing at night. This has really changed my days as don’t feel constantly stressed about the state of the house. Ive also been going to the gym which gives me an hour of freedom were id don’t need to be a mum.
Having two boys under the age of three isn’t a breeze and most days I want to lock myself in my bedroom, shut the door and forget that im a mum….. but I cant so I keep going because I am the one that they look up to. Ive also found myself being really forgetful and I’ve had to set alarms to remind myself what time to feed the boys because when im stuck in the house all day time goes into a weird space and I don’t know what time of day it is. Also not talking to adults and just talking to a two year old who says why to everything and shouts and screams at you because he wants his broken woody head from behind the radiator were I cant get too sends me slightly doolaly!
I don’t feel like this feeling will ever go away as all these feeling are normal in a mums life so we just deal with it because we are MUMS. We are not alone there are millions of mums around the world sitting there at the exact same time as you thinking exactly what you are. I actually really enjoy talking to other mums about what they do differently and what they would do in certain situations so im starting to do more talking.
Just remember we are not alone in this but it’s ok to think that being a mum is bloody hard work!!
Love Gracie xo